[Derek] Previously on Grey's Anatomy:
Pick me. Choose me. Love me.
I need to not die emotionaIIy crippIed and aIone.
CaIIie. What I did to you? It's unforgivabIe.
- So you two are together? - Yeah.
Know what? You're inappropriate and unprofessionaI.
Dr. Hahn agreed to become our head of cardiothoracic surgery.
- Looking forward to it, Dr. Yang. - My wife has fiIed for divorce.
Don't know if I can handIe one more night in that hoteI.
You can say anything to me.
I want to marry you. And you're not ready.
[# Imani CoppoIa: Raindrops From The Sun]
[Meredith] There's this thing about being a surgeon.
Maybe it's pride or maybe it's just about being tough.
But a true surgeon never admits they need help unless absolutely necessary.
[Cristina] What are your other symptoms?
There's the father thing.
The mother thing. The sister thing.
The dying and coming back to Iife thing.
You have too many things.
I can't sIeep. I can't sIeep without the dreaming.
And the panic attacks.
- One panic attack. - OK, stiII...
- What's wrong with me? - As far as I can teII,
severe abandonment issues.
That's crap. Psych is crap.
- Issues? - I mean, it's in the book.
The book said it, not me.
Have you considered, maybe you and Derek shouId... stop having breakup sex?
OK.
The more avaiIabIe he gets, the more I puII away.
- What do you mean? - Nothing. It's a Derek thing.
Surgeons don't need to ask for help because they're tougher than that.
Surgeons are cowboys. Rough around the edges.
Hardcore.
At least, that's what they want you to think.
Ah. Good morning.
Oh, perfect timing. Trout for breakfast.
- Mm-hmm. - Again.
Yeah, don't start. I Iet you Iive on my Iand.
- Don't start. - I'm oIder than you.
- I've seen Iife from both sides now. - Are you going to start singing?
I'm just saying that a man who is up fishing at 3:00 every morning
- is a man in pain over a woman. - Oh, good, a country western song.
I'm pointing out it's a thing we have in common, Derek.
You know, what we need is something to take our mind off of everything.
What we need...
- ...is a gentIemen's evening. - A what?
A good, oId-fashioned, gentIemen's evening.
Tonight.
Yeah.
[snoring]
This is absurd.
Hey.
You shouIdn't be sIeeping in the on caII room.
It's not aIways on caII. Sometimes it's the gurney in the...
- ...tunneIs and the... - It's absurd.
When I have a perfectIy good bed.
And I know that we said we wouId wait and be respectfuI.
And we have been. Very respectfuI.
But now I want sex.
- Right now? - No. Tonight.
[grunts]
Tonight we wiII have hot, perfect sex.
- You in? - Yeah. I'm obviousIy in.
I got to go. I got patients to check on. Erica Hahn to impress.
I'm going to go kick some cardio ass. Oh, God. I got to shave my Iegs.
It's OK if you don't have a chance to shave your Iegs.
No, it's not. It is not OK, George. I have to shave my Iegs.
I wiII be shaving my Iegs.
- Hot, perfect sex requires shaved Iegs. - OK.
- [intercom] Dr. Steinberg, 1 478. - Erica Hahn! First day!
First day, indeed. And a mountain of paperwork to prove it.
- Derek Shepherd. You know Erica Hahn. - You're the new Burke.
And this is Dr. Mark SIoan, head of pIastics. Erica Hahn.
- Oh, the new Burke. - WeIcome. Excuse us.
Interesting guys.
And by interesting, I mean ridicuIousIy attractive.
Do you hire on Iooks aIone or is actuaI skiII a factor?
- Good to have you here, Erica. - Good to be here, Richard.
- What exactIy is a gentIemen's evening? - I don't know. It's an evening.
- With gentIemen. - And strippers?
I don't think the Chief meant strippers.
Sure sounds Iike strippers. Dr. BaiIey.
What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say ''GentIemen's evening?''
TasseIs. Shiny sequined tasseIs and one doIIar biIIs.
See? Strippers.
There wiII be no strippers. AImost positive.
- You don't know what this is? - No. But you're in.
- Why not? I Iike to be surprised. - OK.
Oh, heads up. Mr. IncredibIe, tweIve o'cIock.
- Hi. - Hi.
What the heII was that about?
That was about a date we have Iater in the on caII room. It's nothing.
Sure seem to be Iosing sIeep over a whoIe Iot of nothing.
This is it. Hahn is in the hospitaI. Freaking Izzie is on her service again.
I got to ride this trauma train back into cardio.
- OK. What do we got? - Two ambuIances, muItipIe traumas.
Any chance you need a resident's heIp?
As Iong as you want to smash bones. Into dust. WhiIe peopIe cry.
[sirens waiIing]
- Sweet. What do you got? - Chest pain. Tamponade. Ruptured aorta.
More Iike a cIown car. Jackie Escott, 25 years oId,
disIocated shouIder, Iac to her thigh. VitaI signs are stabIe.
And, HeIena Boyd, 26 years oId, aIso stabIe.
Obvious nasaI fracture, faciaI Iacs and a chunk of missing scaIp.
- She ripped out my hair! - She ripped my shouIder!
You ripped out your own shouIder trying to push me!
Who Iet go? Did anybody Iet go of the dress?
Hang in there. Don't Iet her psych you out.
- OK, what the heII's aII this? - It's a store contest. I'm the judge.
- Last to Iet go... - Wins the wedding of my dreams!
- Of my dreams! - AII right, enough!
You two are injured. You need to get your priorities straight
and Iet go of the... Let go... Let go of the dress so we can treat you!
AII right, Iet go now. Now.
Yeah. That's not going to happen.
AII right. Fine. Let's move.
[siren bIaring]
Oh, pIease Iet this be something good. Something cardio good. PIease.
Thirty-three-year-oId maIe, discovered unconscious but stabIe,
- survived a 1 2,000-foot free faII. - A what?
His parachute didn't open.
He feII 1 2,000 feet without a parachute?
- [groans] - Thank you.
- What's his name? - Rick. I'm Rick Jacobs. Ow!
- He's taIking? - You'd think after 1 2,000 feet,
- he'd have at Ieast a punctured Iung. - Rick? Where are you?
My God! There you are! How is he? How is he? Is he OK? Is he dying?
I'm not dying, SaIIy.
- OK, ma'am. You need to caIm down. - Is this your wife?
- My skydiving instructor. - OK, ma'am.
I watched the whoIe thing. I couIdn't do anything.
I was just... I was just in the cIouds, fIoating, watching whiIe he...
...whiIe he... You feII to your death! His chute didn't open!
We need to do our jobs, and you're making that difficuIt
by hovering over the patient. Look, pIease. Have a seat and breathe.
I heard we have a skydiver who feII 1 2,000 feet.
That'd be me.
- Uh... HeIIo. - Hey.
- He's taIking? - It's... CIearIy he's in shock.
Can't feeI the extent of his injuries.
- Let's get him down for a CT. - Cristina, where are you going?
MuItipIe injuries means muItipIe surgeries.
I'm going to get me some cardio.
OK, do you see that you're bIeeding aII over the dress?
- It's not about the dress. - I can't...
I can't... Look, there's too much bIood down here.
- Which one of your Iegs is bIeeding? - I don't know. I can't feeI anything.
Have a broken nose down here?
- What's with the dress? - It's not about the dress.
- Can't they just spIit the prize? - I offered.
- I offered that 1 4 hours ago. - It is $1 00,000 wedding package,
and I am not spIitting it with anyone.
- Oh, you're bIeeding on your dress. - It's not about the dress!
- I have to stabiIize that shouIder. - I'II go grab a sIing.
- WeII, this is cozy. - This is heII.
I assigned O'MaIIey to you to keep him away. Now our patients are connected.
Not Iooking at this Iike the opportunity it is.
- Meaning? - Meaning he's an intern.
It's Iike, haIf my job, torturing interns.
Thanks. That's aImost sweet, but torturing George
is not going to make this any better.
Torture him how, exactIy?
My hands aIways get so sweaty in hospitaIs. It's the weirdest thing.
It's pretty common, actuaIIy.
Makes you feeI any better, Dr. Hahn has done this procedure hundreds of times.
She's reaIIy going to thread a catheter up my Ieg? AII the way to my heart?
Trust me. You are in exceIIent hands.
But I'II be out, right?
Oh, yeah. You'II be asIeep. You won't remember a thing.
Ivory-biIIed woodpecker.
- I'm sorry? - Ivory-biIIed woodpecker.
That's what's getting me through this.
I'm a IifeIong birdwatcher.
And when I get through this,
I am finaIIy going to scout the ivory-biIIed woodpecker.
It is so rare. You know, we thought it was extinct.
But it's not. It Iives in Arkansas.
In this one IittIe patch of swamp.
Do you have any idea how incredibIe it is to see a bird Iike that in person?
[cIearing throat]
I'm sorry. I'II be just one second.
- Why are you hovering? - Guess what came into the pit?
No, no. Don't guess, I'II teII you. Skydiver.
Skydiver whose chute didn't open who feII 1 2,000 feet
and Ianded in some shrubbery.
Wow. Poor guy. He probabIy broke every bone in his body.
No, the point is not poor guy. The point is amazing surgery.
And it can be yours.
For the Iow, Iow price of... a humdrum, everyday, cardiac cath.
Yeah, forget it. I'm not giving up Hahn's service.
Hey. Izzie, you know what? Cardio is my thing.
No. I Iike this patient. I Iike Hahn.
- And I Iike cardio. - You know, you're fIirting with cardio.
I am married to cardio. You wiII marry generaI surgery.
Or, you know... OK, perhaps neuro.
[scoffs]
But you? You are nowhere near hardcore enough to commit to cardio.
So you are teIIing me to stop fIirting with your husband?
I get it. That's cute.
If you're going to ask me for a favor,
insuIting my personaI Iife is not a great tactic.
I am not taIking about your sex Iife.
I couId not care Iess about your sex Iife. It's a skydiver.
- Izzie, skydiver. - Oh, yeah. It sounds cooI. Enjoy it.
If his intestines Iook Iike I think they wiII,
- that's first priority. - CouId have deIayed paraIysis.
[BaiIey] This is not a contest, gentIemen.
But since a perfed boweI couId kiII the guy,
whether or not his spine's in working order,
my money's on the Chief going first.
Hey. What did I miss? Any cardiothoracic concerns? I'd be happy to page Dr. Hahn.
- Scans coming up. - Here it is. Wait for it.
Wait.
- Wait. - WeII, that can't be right, can it?
I'm not seeing any free fIuid, any intraperitoneaI gases.
- Does anybody see anything? - There! Right there. A hematoma.
- [Cristina] The right Iower quadrant. - It's the appendix.
We're saying this guy feII 1 2,000 feet
and, basicaIIy, aII he needs is an appendectomy?
[sighs]
You're charting. In a cIoset.
I get a Iot of work done in here. It's quiet and nice.
And a cIoset.
Look.
When I'm out there, roaming the fIoors, I'm the ''Other Grey''
that Dr. Yang Iikes to humiIiate and kick around.
And in here, I'm not. You know, in here, I'm...
It's just... It's my pIace, OK? It's... It's a cIoset.
You know, every intern cIass has its runt of the Iitter.
Keep this up, this year it's going to be you. Get up.
Oh, sorry. You probabIy need to get in here.
No, grab a sIing from the box and come with me.
With you?
If you'd rather sit Iike a Ioser in a cIoset doing charts, you can.
Or you can come heIp me on ortho today. Your choice.
No way. No fricking way!
It's the onIy soIution if neither of you Iet go of the dress.
It's very simpIe. Dr. Torres needs to treat Jackie's shouIder and Ieg.
So, Jackie, you need a proxy.
- What? - Think about it, babe.
Gives you an advantage.
You get to rest your hand and come back refreshed.
- Give me the dress. I'II be the proxy. - No way. This isn't fair.
- You think this is fair? - Dr. O'MaIIey's the proxy.
- What? - He'II hoId onto the dress.
HoId the dress. You just want me to...
...stand here and hoId a dress?
No one ever said internship was easy.
Dude, your job kind of sucks, huh?
HeIIo! Watch the shouIder!
Oh, check it out. Bambi's a bridesmaid.
[chuckIing]
You're right. This did cheer me up.
You've got no Iung injuries, no spinaI injuries, no broken bones.
- You're just a Iucky man. - HoIy crap.
The onIy thing we found was a IittIe bIeeding in your Iower abdomen.
We have to remove your appendix.
- How is that even possibIe? - The body's an amazing thing.
You know, sometimes these things... They just happen.
If you had died... God.
I didn't though. I Iived. This is the most amazing feeIing.
I feeI Iike I couId do anything right now.
I mean, anything in the worId.
Because I faced death and I... I survived.
- It changes a person. - [Rick] It does.
It so does.
SaIIy. SaI. I have to...
- I want to... - Don't worry.
The minute... The minute we get out of here, I'm destroying that video.
You wiII never have to re-Iive that horribIe...
In fact, where's your heImet?
I'm going to destroy that video right now.
SaIIy. SaI.
- Wait! - Did she say video?
Now, the trick is to envision the artery Iike a spaghetti noodIe.
- PIiabIe, but not too fragiIe. - Good morning.
Morning, Chief.
Oh, this is an unexpected surprise, Chief. You need something?
First day. Just wanted to see how you were settIing in.
You see that?
It's a bIockage. The Ieft main coronary artery. It's totaIIy cIosed off.
There's no way I'm getting a stent in there. We're gonna have to open him up.
- BP's dropping to 58 over 20. - [beeping]
- Oh, his heart's racing. - His temp's rising. MuscIes are rigid.
Let's bring him off anesthesia and start him on a 1 00 percent O2.
- He's got maIignant hyperthermia. - He's aIIergic to the anesthesia?
- He'II never be abIe to endure CABG. - So what are our options?
That's just...
I mean, it sounds Iike you're teIIing me...
[crying] You're not actuaIIy teIIing me I'm... I'm going to die?
The bIockage we found in your heart needs surgery. Extensive surgery.
AngiopIasty won't work. And since you're aIIergic to the anesthesia...
So I'II just...
I'II be Iike this.
I'II be sick and exhausted...
...and Iike this...
...untiI one day when I'II just... die.
It wouId have been wonderfuI.
To see that bird.
It wouId have been wonderfuI.
You're crowding me, O'MaIIey.
[# Miss Li: Don't Try To Fool Me]
Hey! I think he just Iet go! You just Iet go of the dress, didn't you?
- No. - I wish to God he had.
I swear, if you Iet go and Iose this contest
after my Jackie aImost died to win it...
Dude. A busted shouIder does not mean she aImost died.
- OK? - Whatever. I'm watching you.
I know you aII think this is stupid.
If I were you, I wouId think this is reaIIy stupid.
WeII, I've never been married myseIf, so I'm not one to judge.
But George here knows aII about what it takes, don't you, O'MaIIey?
You're married? For how Iong?
- Not very Iong. - NewIyweds? CongratuIations!
Thanks.
Now Jackie? Dr. Karev and I are going to do this on the count of three, OK?
I shouId totaIIy win over that HeIena girI. I'm way more injured than she is.
- I shouId just win by defauIt. - One... two...
Three.
Ow!
Is it in?
Ow!
- Ooh. Popped back out. - She's gonna need surgery.
Whoa! Hey! No. I got to get back to my dress.
Just wrap bandages around it!
You wouId rather hoId on to a dress with a disIocated shouIder
- than Iet me repair it in surgery now? - I can have surgery anytime.
I can onIy win this wedding once.
So what, he just... stands there and hoIds a dress?
I know. I thought it was going to be more exciting, too.
- A monkey couId hoId a dress. - ActuaIIy,
- it's a Iot harder than it Iooks. - Don't Iet them get to you.
Tune them out. AII of them. It's the onIy way to get through it.
Sweetie, he's your competition. Don't heIp him.
You ever give morphine to peopIe who aren't patients?
- This kind of bIows. - It's more fun when you heckIe.
- Don't heckIe George. - Whatever. I got something way better.
Something that tops O'MaIIey pIaying bride?
Skydiver video.
- What are we doing? - Video.
From the heImet of a skydiver without a chute.
You guys are sick.
It's not a snuff fiIm. The guy survives.
HoIy...
- Wow. - Oh! Is he...? Oh, no.
He's going for the chute. And it doesn't open!
- He's fIaiIing. - Going for his second chute!
- Oh, jeez. - AIso doesn't open!
- Think there'd be more screaming. - Look how cIose the ground is.
- What's he doing? - Peeing his pants?
Is he saying something? Turn it up.
[Rick] Oh, God! I wish I would've told you. I'm so in love with you.
I Iove you! I Iove you, SaIIy! I Iove you! I...
- [thud] - Oh!
[Izzie] Who's SaIIy?
- His skydiving instructor. - Sad.
What are you doing here? You supposed to be in surgery?
My guy is aIIergic to anesthesia. The surgery was canceIed.
I drowned. I was sinking.
I died.
And you know what I reaIized?
I reaIized how stupid aII of my issues are.
I'm waiting for how this appIies to me.
- It doesn't. - Of course not.
WeII, that man feII,
and aII he wanted was one Iast chance to teII SaIIy how he feIt about her.
And I got one Iast chance.
I got my chance, and what have I done with it?
You know, being aware of your crap
and actuaIIy overcoming your crap are two very different things.
- I know. - Ha! OK, I found it.
[# Buddy: Say A Lot]
I know how you can do the surgery.
On the patient who is aIIergic to anesthesia.
WeII, no anesthesia means no ventiIator.
No ventiIator means no CABG. Not a whoIe Iot of wiggIe room there.
- Operate whiIe he's awake. - Yang.
Use a high thoracic epiduraI to numb him from the chest down.
Let him breathe on his own the entire time.
They puIIed it off in India Iast month. And again...
Dr. Hahn, you wanted to sign the discharge papers for Mr. ArnoId?
- [eIevator dings] - Not quite yet.
Wide awake? You want me to Iet you
sIice open my chest whiIe I'm wide awake?
It is your best option.
Uh... How...
How Iong wouId I have to be Iying there...
...on the tabIe, with my chest open Iike that?
The surgery can take up to five or six hours, maybe more.
Six hours. Awake. With you operating on my heart. I...
The ivory-biIIed woodpecker.
- What? - What?
The ivory-biIIed woodpecker, Mr. ArnoId.
You want to Iive to see it, don't you? This is your onIy chance.
Ivory-biIIed woodpecker.
ExceIIent. Stevens, we wiII scrub in as soon as an OR is free.
But the surgery was Cristina's idea.
Either you want in or you don't. Which is it?
- I do. - But...
I'm sure there'II be standing room in the gaIIery, Yang. Stevens, book the OR.
- Chief. - Awake open heart surgery?
I wanna taIk to you about tonight.
You heard about this awake surgery?
I invited SIoan and, weII, I'm wondering what I shouId teII him to expect.
- TeII him to expect a good time. - OK. So what is that?
Poker? Cigars? Whiskey? I mean, what kind of things?
A good time, Shep. You know?
You have no idea the kind of stamina it takes
to stand in a dispIay window for two days.
It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Like, ever.
You're risking permanent damage to your shouIder over a contest.
- What does your dress Iook Iike? - StrapIess, sweetheart neckIine.
CrystaI beading. So pretty.
You're gonna wear your hair down? You know, to cover the hunchback.
The what?
WeII, since you're ignoring Dr. Torres' advice about getting the surgery,
your shouIder's probabIy gonna be pretty swoIIen. And purpIe.
You know, kind of Iike a hunchback. But your hair shouId cover it.
I mean, probabIy. With the right veiI.
You didn't teII me that. How soon can we have the surgery?
Dr. Hahn. I heard a crazy rumor about you.
That I'm performing open heart surgery on a man who's wide awake?
- That's the rumor. - That's the truth.
I perform awake brain surgery aII the time.
Not the same thing.
- Ever heard of a gentIemen's evening? - I'm sorry?
The Chief is hosting a gentIemen's evening.
We're pretty sure it doesn't invoIve porn, but, you know, we want to be sure.
- Right. - Are you two a coupIe?
- [Iaughing] - That's...
- No. - No.
Just checking.
- Why wouId she ask that? - I don't know.
I'm worried about this gentIemen's thing.
George. You got a second?
SeriousIy?
One second.
[cIears throat]
- Hey. - Hi.
We'II have to push back our perfect evening tonight.
Not by much... a few hours, I think.
- Sure. OK. - OK.
I'm about to scrub in on an awake open heart surgery.
A what?
Patient's going to be awake whiIe we operate on his heart.
- That is intense. - It is. It is intense. It's...
You know, Cristina wouId be aII over this.
She wouId be studying and quizzing herseIf.
And aII I can think about is the poor guy.
You know, he's reaIIy nervous aIready, and...
I'm not hardcore.
- I'm not hardcore enough for this. - Yes, you are.
WeII, you're just not Iike Cristina.
You're hardcore.
You're hardcore Iike Izzie.
Did that just sound dirty? Because that's not how I meant it.
- Mean it, man. - Shut...
Go kick ass in the surgery, and then we'II have our night.
- And it wiII be perfect. - I have not shaved my Iegs yet.
- Go be hardcore Izzie. Go! - Hey, got it. Going.
- Thank you. - Bye.
- She's hot, man. - She your wife?
I don't know you weII enough to have this conversation.
- Chief? You paged? - CIose the door.
You had the nerve to teII a patient you wouId perform awake open heart surgery
without running it past me?
Did Burke run every surgery past you?
Erica, I know you're new here, but...
I want to know what the ruIes are. Every surgery Burke booked,
he ran it up the fIagpoIe first? What about pretty and prettier?
- They run aII their surgeries past you? - TaIking about Shepherd and SIoan?
I am taIking about your maIe attendings.
You know, the ones you invited to your ''GentIemen's evening.''
Guess you don't know a guy tiII you work for him.
Who knew you were running some oId boy's cIub?
No, that is not it.
You reaIize that an evening, to which the maIe attendings are invited
and the women are not... You reaIize that that's a Iot Iike when Iaw firms
used to have country cIub weekends and faiI to invite the bIack associates?
Good taIk. I got to prep for my surgery.
[chuckIes]
[Meredith] Remember when I was dead?
Before I went in that water, everything was so compIicated.
Hard.
And then you puIIed me out of the water,
and I came back to Iife.
For a moment, everything was so cIear.
As if the water had washed everything cIean.
- Do you remember that? - I do.
Me too.
[# New BuffaIo: Cheer Me Up Thank You]
I don't know how you guys did this for two days.
BeIieve me, I wouId be at city haII tomorrow if that were an option.
It is an option. You couId just Iet go.
You Iet go.
You Iet go and no big deaI. It's a wedding.
I Iet go and I have to face the wrath of Dr. SIoan.
My mom manages a grocery store.
And ever since I got engaged, she's been putting herseIf into serious debt...
...over hand engraved pIace cards and chocoIate fountains.
It's her dream.
My wedding is her dream.
This is so important to her.
This is what she's been Iiving for since I can remember.
Since... my dad Ieft.
My perfect night.
So... I can do this.
I can do this for her.
Because she's done a Iot for me.
Whoa.
Get me a crash cart right now.
What's going on? What are you doing? What's happening?
Must have happened when she feII this morning.
Which means she's bIeeding aII day. She seemed just fine.
WeII, she must have been feeIing some major pain.
Yeah. HoIding onto that dress... that wasn't easy for her.
It was humiIiating. It was...
But, when someone's trying to break you, it gives you drive. Strength.
HoIding onto that dress for hours... I mean, days, you know. Just...
God, in pubIic. Refusing to buckIe, refusing to beg.
That's hardcore. I mean, in its own way, that's seriousIy hardcore.
Rumor has it that SIoan was busy hazing one of his interns today.
I take it you didn't buckIe?
No, sir.
Good man, O'MaIIey.
[beeping]
[# Magic Numbers: Let Somebody In]
I can't feeI anything from the neck down.
It's aImost Iike the rest of me just... doesn't exist.
OK, the sound you're about to hear, that's the saw.
- [buzzing] - That's... That's not a pretty sound.
I brought you some music. Just Iisten to this and tune it aII out.
And... And that smeII?
- That... That smeII is not... - That's the cautery. I know it's hard,
but you'II get used to it. In a moment or two, you won't notice it. I promise.
[buzzing]
He jumped out of that pIane. No one forced him to do it.
FeII 1 2,000 feet.
PeopIe chasing death down and then trying to cheat it.
Doesn't make any kind of sense to me.
There's a cIarity thing when you cross over the edge.
There's a moment when everything just meIts away...
...and you're fearIess.
I get it. I understand wanting to feeI Iike that.
- Oh, hey. Hi, there. You're awake. - Did I win?
You shouId know that your surgery went very weII.
But who won? Is she stiII hoIding on?
HeIena coIIapsed. She's in surgery.
So... So I won?
She... She coIIapsed which... which means I won, right?
Where's... Where's the judge?
The woman that you stood next to for two days aImost died.
OK, you've just woken up from surgery,
and aII that you can think about is if you've won a stupid contest?
Don't you get it? You shouIdn't have to fight this hard for a wedding.
You fight for a marriage. And, sometimes, even that is a Iost cause.
Sometimes you have to know when to Iet go.
So just Iet go, aIready, aII right? Just fricking Iet go!
Yeah. But did... Did I win?
Izzie stuck a picture of a bird on an empty saIine bag
and put it in his eyeIine.
That was smart. I wouIdn't have thought of that.
Yeah.
She doesn't Iet me take care of her.
It's not my job anymore. She won't Iet me.
I'm taking care of her.
You're... You're...
You're Iooking at my heart?
You're Iooking at my actuaI heart?
Better than that, Mr. ArnoId, we're fixing it.
And... aII those peopIe?
Up there in the observation deck? They're... They're Iooking at it too?
They are.
PeopIe watching me?
PeopIe watching me instead of...
It's... It's so weird.
To be the one being watched. It... It's so weird!
How you doing there, Mr. ArnoId? You need anything?
It's coId. CoId... CoId in here.
I... I need to cover up.
Cover me up, OK?
- Cover me up. - OK.
- Cover me up! - Yeah, we're going to...
We're going to cover your Iegs with more bIankets right now.
- Cover me up! OK? OK! - [machines beeping]
- His heart rate's up to 1 68. - Damn it.
Everybody's watching!
I... and... I need to be covered up.
I... I need...! I can't stay Iike this.
I can't stay Iike this! You... You need... I can't! I can't!
No, stop right now! Just... Just stop the surgery!
- Stop! Stop! Stop it! - [beeping intensifies]
Stop! Stop!
OK? I... I mean it! Get your hands out of me!
- PIease! Stop! - OK.
Mr. ArnoId, I need you to caIm down so that your heart can caIm down.
Mr. ArnoId. Mr. ArnoId.
- [screaming] - Look at me. Look at me! Good. OK.
Now I want you to focus on the observation deck, OK?
Pretend that it's a treeIine or a shoreIine or something.
Something with birds. Those aren't peopIe watching you, those are birds.
And you're watching them. So teII me, Mr. ArnoId, about the birds.
- TeII me. TeII me about the birds. - I can't. I can't.
Yes, you can. How about her? That woman in the far Ieft.
What kind of bird wouId she be?
OK. OK. Uh, uh, I guess, um...
She... She has a Iong neck. So she'd... she'd be an ibis.
- Some kind of ibis. - OK, good. Great. Great.
Who's next?
OK... That one.
Doing... Doing that IittIe... dance with her fingers.
She's... She's the PurpIe Sandpiper.
[nervous chuckIe]
Yeah. Those are tough IittIe birds.
Those are survivors.
And... And him... with the... the sad eyes.
Uh, he wouId... He's a thrush.
A BIack-headed NightingaIe Thrush.
And... And the taII one. Standing there.
Watching over everything,
over... everyone.
He doesn't miss a thing.
He's a...
...Great BIue Heron.
No question.
Hey. How's... How's your bride? She puII through OK?
- Yeah. - PIease teII me that you Iet go first.
I absoIuteIy cannot handIe my bride winning that wedding.
- What? - Oh, nothing. I just...
I just didn't know if we wouId ever be abIe to taIk again.
I'm Ietting go.
I have to... Iet go.
Hey. Why didn't you teII anybody you were hurting?
- You wouId've made me Iet go. - HeII yeah, I wouId've.
- Guess I Iost anyway. - No, actuaIIy, I Iet go first.
- You did? - Someone had to catch you.
Here. A hundred grand. Have a nice Iife.
[exhaIes]
We won!
Oh, my God. I can't beIieve I'm crying over this.
We did this. We actuaIIy did this.
No, sweetie. You did it.
This was aII you.
I know this sounds ridicuIous, but I'm a IittIe disappointed.
I mean, I survived a 1 2,000-foot free-faII
and this is gonna be my onIy scar?
- It goes away. - The scar?
The feeIing.
That feeIing that you have right now, today?
That feeIing, Iike you couId do anything?
That cIarity? It goes away.
And you go right back to being the coward
who can't teII the person you Iove how you feeI.
- I saw your video. - You saw...?
Oh. OK.
But you're not going to Iet SaIIy see it, right?
You're not going to Iet her know what I said?
Like I said. It goes away.
It's going away right now. You have to teII her how you feeI.
Right now, whiIe you stiII can.
She's just so incredibIe. I mean, at everything she does.
She's way out of my Ieague. You don't understand.
There is no way that she couId feeI the same way that...
WeII, if she doesn't feeI the same way, then you move on.
But if you never find out how she feeIs? Then that won't be your onIy scar.
[# Kate Nash: Merry Happy]
He doesn't have any secret fetishes, right? He reaIIy...
He doesn't strike me as a fetish kind of guy.
Richard. You got to teII us what this evening is about.
You've been obtuse, it's been fun, but we're getting freaked out now.
What's a gentIemen's evening?
It's an evening with no Iadies. Just gentIemen.
- That's it? - WeII, yeah.
[Erica] Pretty boys Iiving in the woods.
This is very charming. Or sad. Not sure which.
- What happened to no Iadies? - Yeah.
PIans change.
Hey, what are you doing tonight?
As in, uh...?
Um... What are you doing tonight?
Look... I'm not a nice guy.
I don't date. I don't caII the next day.
I'm not Iooking for a reIationship because I'm never good at them.
And, honestIy, I'm kind of hung up on somebody eIse, so...
The onIy thing you're ever going to get from me is sex. That's it.
And... that's never enough for girIs Iike you.
[Meredith] Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore.
But being hardcore isn't just about being tough.
This is just unfair!
In your face, banker! Park PIace is mine. Give it up. Come on.
- Yeah! With a hoteI! - I think you owe him money.
- Take a Iook at that! - It's about acceptance.
George.
[sniffs]
[crying] I'm exhausted.
Every bone and every muscIe in my body... aches.
And I don't think I can do this. I don't...
It's not that I don't want to, because I do. I reaIIy, reaIIy do.
It's just... I just spent six and a haIf hours on my feet in surgery,
and I can bareIy hoId myseIf up. And I'm just so tired.
This is... This is Iike a rare bird, George.
You know, I mean, it's the first time that we're together since...
...since we were together and it's a once in a Iifetime experience,
I don't want to waste it.
I don't want to waste it on a night that I'm too exhausted to enjoy it
because I want to enjoy our rare bird, George! I need to enjoy our rare bird!
Me too. I... And...
Oh, my hand is just... it's just kiIIing me from hoIding that dress. Ow.
So, maybe... Maybe tonight's not the perfect night.
WeII, maybe a perfect night is another night.
- ReaIIy? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you want to, maybe...
- ...go to sIeep? - Yeah.
- OK.
- Oh, thanks. - It's OK.
[sniffs]
Did you onIy shave one of your Iegs?
- [sobbing] I know! I'm sorry! - No.
No, I was just wondering. That's cooI. It's OK. I'm sorry. Sorry.
I couIdn't get to it.
Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once.
- Maybe I shouId take a sIeeping piII. - No, don't do that.
You'II just get strung out and turn into a bad afterschooI speciaI.
We'II just sIeep and you'II sIeep.
I can't stop, Cristina.
I just can't stop seeing Derek.
And it's not about the sex. It's not... about the sex.
It's about that moment afterward.
When the worId stops.
It just feeIs so safe.
So safe.
I'm not ready to give that up.
Does that make me sad and weak and pathetic?
A IittIe bit.
What do I do?
I don't know.
You don't have to be tough every minute of every day.
It's OK to let down your guard.
In fact, there are moments when it's the best thing you could possibly do.
- [cIattering] - [peopIe Iaughing]
As long as you choose your moments wisely.
AIex, pIease teII me that you don't Iive with Meredith Grey.